Inspired by Penny Arcade.
Contact me.
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(“Shopping online… for braaaaains!”)
Here’s another tough customer, who I suspect had a heart attack and died while I was drawing. That’s a far more likely explanation than the alternative, which is that a human being didn’t find my drawings funny. Something for which there is no precedent.
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Yet another request for unicorns. Usually they start looking bored and end up delighted; this was quite a reversal of fortunes. If they’d wanted a decent unicorn, they’d have been better off finding me months ago before I bled the unicorn angle dry.
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The other day I had three unicorn requests in a row, so I’m going to post them in order of the severity of the reaction.
While I was a little disappointed with his reaction, it was nice to see Jim Belushi up and about after all these years. Maybe the idea of the picture made him sad, and that’s why he died of a drug overdose in 1982. You do the maths.
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I’m not going to judge anyone or tell them how to live their lives, but the internet isn’t middle school b-ball. This isn’t shirts vs. skins. There’s one team, and - from the average physique of your garden variety internet user - it should be all shirts, all the time.
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I don’t usually take requests unless I can see the entirety of the requester’s face - the reaction is basically the point, and without them, I wouldn’t do this. However, as the eyes are the windows to the soul, I decided to give this fellow the benefit of the doubt. That said, if the eyes truly are the windows to the soul, these windows have been bricked through, boarded up, and then had rank diarrhea spread on them by a syphilitic old tramp.
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This girl wanted a chicken, so I gave her a frustrated writer who was also a chicken. She didn’t seem that impressed (despite typing “haha”, her face remained stoney and cold), but then again, she seemed the type who still wouldn’t be impressed if you dipped her vagina in leprechaun giggles.
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I’ve become increasingly tired with the portrait requests; I’ll occasionally do a real one, but these days, more often than not I throw in a deformity.
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I can draw cats, I can draw ducks, but mixing and matching leads to this kind of monstrosity. Looks like this man is discerning enough to be confused by what I’d drawn, but didn’t have the sense to put a shirt on when he’s using the internet.
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Oh dear. Looks like we both walked away from this a little worse for wear. I didn’t enjoy drawing it, he didn’t enjoy looking at it. Look at that face. That’s the face of a man who was promised a never-ending cavalcade of anonymous teenage tits and ended up face to face with a man’s crude Sharpie drawing of two sexless bodies laid top-to-tail. Poor guy.
